Starting over can be challenging, but also it can be a great opportunity to do things differently.
Twenty-eighteen was the beginning of giving themes for the year ahead, and last year I focused on healing. I bear much trauma and many wounds from my childhood, to no surprise, these experiences have been mirrored within my adult life. I have watched myself and those closest to me run in and out of toxic relationships, friendships, or kinships while blaming the faults of others as the cause. No matter how many there were, the common denominator remained the same. So I asked myself, what is it about me that causes such unrest when encountering others, especially those I claim to love.
I have come to accept the truth that I’m not happy with the reality that my upbringing is one that I have to wrap my mind around, and the direction my life has taken because of it. The disorder within my relationships, the envy of struggles that differ from mine and the need to challenge the contrary stems from the mayhem in my family. I have spent years recalling and harping on individual experiences, then pocketing them for the next time I needed to pity myself again. I now understand the adverse impact that has had on my journey to heal my wounds. I believe that we are forever attached to our traumas, but we work every day to find functional ways to handle emotions from the past when they are triggered by events in the future.
It’s easy to want to heal from what has and continues to hurt us, but some of us lack the confidence and effort to complete the process. In twenty-nineteen I’m making a concious choice to elevate and desire myself . The intent is not to redesign who I am, but to identify and fall in love with my true identity. I’ve given so much time to hiding behind what and who hurt me, concealing outwardly how I felt inside only to be revealed when emotions were high. I hid for so long, that at the opening of 2018 I didn’t recognize myself and had drifted from so many. Who knew life could get so lonely? I was trapped by the image that portrayed I had it all together.
There’s always been this unspoken competition among us women. Trying to embody what “she” has, what “she’s” doing and who “she’s with,” only robs us of our individuality, gratitude and happiness! It’s time to realize that our lives will get better when we are better. For starters, we must understand that what we think of ourselves is all that matters. Our minds, bodies and souls will be elevated, when our mindset and attitude about who we are changes.
One method I am using during this cycle in my life is self-reflection. Reflection is a great tool for bringing closure to unresolved issues and dealing with the more real parts of ourselves, our conscious. While practicing self-reflection through writing, I have developed an internal capacity to consider the depths of traumatizing experiences and feelings. Above all, reflection has allowed me to identify my truth, the root cause of my nature, and my responsibility in it.
The way to healing and elevation is through honestly reflecting and developing a healthy view of who we are destined to be. It will not be easy, in 2018 I set to clarify things with family members that I didn’t get to out of fear. Today, I know who I don’t want to be, but struggle with getting to know and desiring who I am. Even still, no one on this earth can mend my mind and heart back to love better than I can. No one on this earth will be more honest and accepting of myself than me. So I owe it to myself to go continue the process and invite you to begin yours.
Heal | Elevate | Reflect
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