Privacy is a matter that differs for everyone. Some people are open with sharing intimate details of themselves and their lives, while others would rather outsiders stay far from issues that don’t pertain to them. I identify with the latter, I am a very private person. This behavior was ingrained in my siblings and me during early childhood development, kind of like “you better be in this house before the street light comes on.” Yea, instead it was “what goes on in this house, stays in this house.” So as cliche as this is, I’ve got it, honest! My mindset had always been, “it ain’t none of they business, and I don’t care what they opinion is about it,” (bad grammar and all)!
The truth is, this behavior was instilled in us to HIDE affairs, drugs, and abuse that was taking place in our home. We were silenced and feared people knowing the truth about what we went through daily. I don’t even think it was a fear of people knowing, rather a fear of the consequences for saying anything. Instead of getting out and seeking help, we protected the integrity of the very thing we desperately needed to get away from.
So now, 20 and some change later, I hide the things I don’t want anyone to know, including situations and actions I am ashamed of. I’ve masked all that shame with a pretty face, covered myself with the latest trends to keep up the act, became tied to no-good men, and hung out with the wrong friends. You know those friends who you’d never hang out with otherwise, the ones that smile in your face and tear you down when you’re not around, those friends. Whoa, there’s a lot of fakeness going on! I know some of you can’t relate, right now. Until otherwise, I’m just speaking for myself!
Secrecy has gotten me nowhere. Secrecy has caused turmoil amongst my family, friends and other’s connected to me because of FEAR. We fear to ask questions, speak our minds, express our feelings, or getting help. We are literally killing ourselves because we feel we have to HIDE depression, anxiety, anger or past traumas. We are choosing to fight mental battles internally and alone until it finally takes us out.
Where does it end? When do people stop killing themselves and start confronting the situation at hand, at the root, wherever it started? When will we seek help without feeling we have to protect someone else, or because we are ashamed? When will we break these generational curses that will RUIN our lives?
I’m starting today, as I’m typing this, I’m breaking my silence. I will ask my questions, I will express my thoughts, I will go to therapy. I will not lose anything or anyone else to an internal conflict and feelings that were unknown. There it is! I’m going to get raw, so I hope you’re ready! I hope you get what you need and find some motivation to finally be authentic and do what you have to do.
But don’t be mistaken, some things STILL “ain’t none of they business!”
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